We all know every woman is dying to be a mother. Of course that’s the only reason we get married. But a man doesn’t have that same inbuild need. Or does he? 

There is such a double standard these days. Society assumes that a woman isn’t fulfilled unless she had given birth. But why don’t we assume that about the men around us? With this fight for equality around us, we need to get over this belief that we are all the same or that genders have certain characteristics that we share. I am coming to the belief more and more that people are on a plane of existence and not a continium. In sexuality, in drives, in stereotypical gender roles. We give men a much greater variety of desires when it comes to children. But women are all expected to greatly desire them. 

G was a bit ambivalent about children. I had to initiate conversations about them. I decided it was time. He is an amazing father, but he would have truly been okay with kids or no kids. I, on the other hand, was sure I wanted them. Have my timeline all worked out (although it has modified slightly). 

From certain moms groups I’m in, some moms have had kids because it’s expected of them and they’re bowing to pressure. Others have simply unintentionally gotten pregnant. Then there are those like me who planned and did it all on our time tables and very much intended for our children. But no matter what’s going on in our lives, we all suffer judgement on the choices we make about our wombs. Now, I will say our husbands do get a little say in what happens – maybe 10%. But definitely no where near a deciding vote. Just a little bit where, if we’re on the fence, their advice is welcome (but not necessarily followed).

Where are all of these thoughts coming from? A friend who is thinking she only wants one. A cousin who is sure she doesn’t want any. And they will both have to fight society for choices concerning their own bodies. 
Have an even number of kids I’ve been told – when I mentioned I might want three. Overheard an older lady at church tell an acquintance “maybe next time you’ll have your girl!” as the mother wrangled her 3 boys.  Others looks for the perfect family of a boy and a girl. Why should we be made to feel inadequate because we have only birthed a single gender or want an uneven number of children. God is the one who determines the type of bambinos we need in our lives. The genders, the personalities, the numbers. Family dynamics don’t guarantee siblings will pair up perfectly. I have three brothers. I was often off reading while they did their thing.

Ultimately, it’s my womb. My opinions. My God-given desire for no children. My God-given burn for one, six. My God-given heart for adoption or fostering. 

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